Day #39
Larry Trotter
Words
of Love
8 When
Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord;
I am a sinful man!” Luke 5:8 NIV
Overcoming the Barrier
If you were to take
an overhead view of my faith journey it might resemble US 129, otherwise known
as The Dragon. This motorcycle-eating stretch of road running through Tennessee
and North Carolina has 318 curves in only 11 miles of pavement. My journey
began at a familiar starting point, regular church attendance with my family
including Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. Later, I participated in the
youth group and sang in the choir. But all of that came to screeching halt at
the first hairpin turn upon my graduation from high school. My first (and only)
ill-fated year registered at the University of Tennessee—it would be
disingenuous to say that I attended UT—was interrupted by my passion for music
and desire to travel the southeast in a rock and roll band, a curvy road to say
the least. My faith was soon disappearing in the rearview mirror of our equipment
truck as our band hit the stages of bars and nightclubs from Norfolk to Tampa
and all points in between. When disco reared its ugly head in the mid-70s clubs
started hiring DJs instead of bands and we parked the truck and I was right
back where I started, a few years older, disoriented from all the twists and turns,
and carrying the emotional baggage (read guilt and regret) that comes along
with the gypsy rock and roll lifestyle. My faith had run off the road and down
a ravine of doubt that God could even consider forgiving me for the last five
years of my life. However, thanks to the love of the woman who became my wife,
the insightful, brutally honest Episcopal priest who married us, and a
staggeringly compassionate God who just wouldn’t give up I eventually found
myself back at church with Lynn and our first daughter. It was there that I
took the Disciple Bible Study and met God on his terms, not mine. I went into
the study relating very closely to Peter’s words in today’s verse. I couldn’t
really imagine that Jesus was interested in cozying up to a guy who probably
still smelled like a rock and roll club the morning after a big night (a
breathtaking stench, by the way). It was there with those 11 other seekers that
I heard the next verse: “Then Jesus said to Simon, ‘Don’t be afraid; from now
on you will fish for people.’” What? Don’t be afraid? God still loves me? Jesus
hasn’t written me off? The grace that I discovered in that Bible study
literally changed my life. God’s love met my doubts head-on and began a new
journey that, 27 years later, has led to these devotions I’m writing as a
pastor in a church. Amazing grace, indeed.
The doubt that
Peter expressed in today’s verse would not be his last. One can only imagine
the crushing doubt following his denial of Jesus. But the doubt came from
Peter’s insecurity about his understanding of Jesus, not Jesus’ uncertainty
about his love for Peter. Doubt is a natural response to something that just
doesn’t make sense. And let’s face it; grace often doesn’t make sense. But
grace flows out of kingdom values, not the world’s. As Paul writes in 1st
Corinthians 1:27, “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the
wise…” Don’t be afraid of doubt; and don’t let it get the last word. Doubt is a
perfect opportunity for heaven to meet earth because God loves to reveal
himself at the very moment we’re sure we can’t find him. But while you’re
doubting, remember this one thing: God loves you and there is nothing you can
do to change that. There are plenty of Scriptures that point to his unfailing
love. But, if you’re ever stuck and can’t think of one, just sing this: “Jesus
loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.” Hmmm, don’t quit your day
job.
Prayer
God of lost sheep, I’m right here. I know
where I’ve been and I doubted you wanted me back. Please take me in your arms
and never let me go. In Jesus’ name, amen.
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